Savagery Comes To Town

I was lucky enough to see one of my hero's in person: Dan Savage.

At an event sponsored by Denver Health AIDS/HIV outreach, the venerable Dan Savage shared a dais with the head of the outreach operation. For a free event, a disappointing 100 or so people showed up.

"First things first", said Savage, and proceeded to ask the crowd how many people there were straight. About 30 hands rose. "Tonight were going to talk to gay guys in the room" he said, "All the straight people might want to go get more appetizers and a drink." Savage states that in his column he regularly tells straight people to get more sex, knowing that they probably won't. Gay men on the other hand, he tells to hold back, because they already have "too much sex."

"Gay men have more and better sex then straight people. We get more practice, and unlike straight people we have more communication. For straight people communication ends at consent, but without the tab "a" slot "b" assumption, gay people start communication at consent."

Later Savage went back and qualified his statements about "too much sex" and clarified that gay men were having too many partners and being careless about selecting with whom they would be sharing a an intimate fifteen minutes in the park with. Along side the director of Denver Health outreach Savage tried to pin-point why Denver (and the nation) have some startling statistics:

Of men who have sex with men* 1 in 6 have HIV.

Within that group 12% have indulged in meth/coke/crack/heroine within the past 6 months.

For man on man sexual encounters, only 30% of those encounters were with protection

96% of the group knew that unprotected sex may lead to infection

Why is it, did Savage and the Denver Health guy ponder, that gay men are indulging riskier behavior? Gay men drink more, smoke more, are using all types of drugs more, and are having more partners then their straight counterparts.

A theme that predominated the conversation was monogamy. In "gay society" we tend not to value monogamy and long term relationships. In "straight society" people have social expectations from their partners, friends, family and society to be monogamous. Dating, to many, is a means to an end; marriage, or an monogamous relationship that is both sexually and emotionally intimate. Gay men, it was argued, don't have the role modeling to create long lasting monogamous relationships. "Gay society" moreover doesn't support or expect monogamy like our heterosexual counterparts. Long term monogamy is central to the fight against new HIV infections. Gay people need marriage. Not just as a right of human dignity, but for their physical and emotional health.

My old "friend"** Nelly McNochin stood up and fired to savage that gay men are inherently different then straight people, and that it is sophism to judge gay people with strings standards.
I'm puzzled by Nelly's argument: Gay people are a "separate society" and thus don't live under the same principles that heterosexual live under? It's hard enough to draw lines through sexuality and define "gay", the word means different things to different people, individual identity through orientation vs. homosexual behavior, both of which are not mutually inclusive. And what about the rest of the alphabet, the LBTIQs? Getting back to morals, so, what kinds of ethics are gay people holding themselves to? Who lives under these rules?

If were to put a microscope on Nelly, not much. Nelly disregards personal responsibility or integrity at every turn. He's a genius at covering up his tracks. He one of the scariest of people: someone who believe their own bullshit. I had an enormous sense of vindication to hear Savage (indirectly) tell Nelly he was a "silly, silly faggot." YEAH! GO SAVAGE!! Perhaps he can get my stuff back as well.

Sadly I think Nelly represents a numerous block of younger gay's mentality. Fuck the everyone in your way, do what is good for you right now, justify it later (if you're caught). Is this the deadly mentality that causes the recent spike in infections? Sadly I think so.

I'm glad Savage didn't let Nelly, by any means, interpret his speech in such a way that he could use it justify his own actions. Savage told us (gay men) to start pointing fingers at what we see in the community as being wrong and dangerous. Weather it be physical danger, or stupid faggots giving everyone a bad name, we must not let them slip by. Case in point: Jeffrey Dahmer was an evil gay man. It's ok to say that because he was evil, and he was gay, we can't make excuses for him. Call it like it is. We must use our superior powers of gossip to inform others of one's fuckupness. According to Savage, this is a moral stand the community must take. Silence equals approval, so grow some balls and tell people their fucked up.

I'm tired, so here are some axioms from my notes of the talk:

One of the greatest pearls of wisdom gleaned from Savage this weekend (and exemplified by a certain underwear mailing Canadian) If your not your partner's whore, then someone else is.
(I still want to see pictures of the kiener)

A bath house is a whorehouse ran by volunteers.

Sexual Health workers need to stigmatize meth users and "sluts" (athough how do we define this?). They should spend their time not worrying about the most fucked up people in society because they're already lost, but with average young gay men promoting healthy lifestyles and a healthy community.

The scariest gay guy in the room is the 30 year old, married to a woman, has kids, who sucks anonymous dick in the park.

Misbehaving hetros are stigmatized and ostracized, so should misbehaving gay men.

I respect Savage much more when I left the room. He makes sense to me. Sadly many left pissed off at Savage for not being sensitive enough. I don't think they were listening.

*not all men having sex with men identify themselves as gay, hence part of the problem of infection and accountability

** Nelly is worth his own post. Perhaps later